Love & Marriage

Sex and marriage are - shall we say - intimately entwined.

The share of Americans ages 25-34 who are married dropped 13 percentage points from 2000 to 2014. A new book by sociologist Mark Regnerus blames this declining rate on how easy it is for men to get off.

Today's American norms show that very few people need to marry to achieve their goal of having as much sex as they want.

Self-love for men and women is at an all-time high. A 1992 study found that 29 percent of men (and 9 percent of women) masturbated at least once a week. In 2014, 49 percent of men (and 32 percent of women) confessed to doing it at least once in the previous six days. Unsurprisingly, “as frequency of [watching] porn increased, so did masturbation.”

That's sex. Not love.

Love remains elusive for many, if not most, of the American population.

Ironically, the things that drive men to marry aren't what you'd think - the Top 4, according to Match.com:

1. Someone who treats them with respect
2. Someone who they can trust and confide in
3. Someone comfortable with communicating their wants and needs
4. Someone with a sense of humor who can make them laugh

So, since scarcity of sex is not what drives marriage, perhaps we can work on teaching our young women the Art of Being a Wife:

• Being agreeable - disagreeing without needing to tear your mate down
• NOT complaining about him to family, girlfriends, or on FB to a few thousand (or more) people
• Listening to their needs
• Finding the funny in everyday life - not shutting down their attempts to get you out of a bad mood - even if (as is probable) that remark is not that funny
• Focusing on the good that they do - once, early in their marriage, my mother decided to file for divorce. The attorney knew her family well, and said:
• You're entitle to X amount
• Let's take all that we can get
• Let's make him suffer
• After she heard that, she was on the fence (his intention) - she didn't think he was that bad. The attorney told her to go home, and - for one month - think ONLY of his good points. If she still wanted a divorce, he would file.
• Of course, after a month of changing her focus, my mother realized that she needed to make some changes herself. Most attorneys today wouldn't have the perception to realize that this was a temporary feeling, not a complete collapse of the union.

My own husband refers to me as his Partner. We are a team, dedicated to what is good for both of us. Sometimes, the scales lean one way, sometimes, the other. But, the good of the TEAM is the focus.

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Let the Participant Beware!

I'm not a big fan of Revenge Porn. That's the practice of posting video of former lovers online out of a mean-spirited Gotcha! when they leave/hurt you.

It's one of those things that some women - or, women-ish people - would do. Think Mean Girls in the Grown-up World. Well, sort of Grown-up.

If the video was taken without consent, that should settle the issue - the one that knew about the video CANNOT post it, and, if he/she does, may not only go to jail for some extended time - HARD TIME - but stands to lose ALL his/her money/possessions. Plus, must pay that person compensation even after leaving jail.

As well as being branded a sexual predator - which, I think, is an accurate description.

If the video was consensual, that's different. The fact that you were a dumba$$ to agree to it wipes out the victimization.

IF the victim was 16 or older, and the other person was within two years of that age, at the time of filming, AND it was consensual - again, tough luck. You should have been smarter.

That over-15 at the time person would have the right to yank it from public distribution, and sue any company putting it up. However, saying that is like saying you have the right to take a beanbag chair that has been opened up in the wind, and then track down each piece and bag it again.

Good luck with that.

There was a time when sex was a private activity. When the average person wouldn't even THINK of engaging in sex on camera, even with a trusted lover/spouse.

It does seem to me that the people who want to sue for these releases of sexual activity really have only themselves to blame. They are, in fact, the ones that engaged in the aforementioned activity. Freely, of their own volition.

Later, when they are embarrassed about that video leaking out, they seem to want to state, "I'm NOT that kind of girl."

When, clearly, they were.

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Sex and Disease

This is something I've wondered about for ages, myself.

Scientifically, it has been known for more than a full century that human beings, who intimately share infected bodily secretions, spread disease among themselves and all others with whom they later come into intimate contact, and even to their innocent offspring.  Lifelong disease is not something for which sane human beings strive.  Yet it is the absolutely predictable -- scientifically! -- result of this "sexual liberation" social construct.  "Sexual liberation" has produced whole generations of smart people, who wouldn't share a glass of water with a stranger for fear of contracting a communicable disease, but will willingly copulate with the same stranger in scientifically deluded fashion.

It just amazes me that the same kids that obsessively use the anti-bacterial gels will be, many times, the same ones that engage in intimate activities with strangers.

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Who REALLY Benefits From "Sexual Liberation"?

Ace of Spades has a provocative post about the REAL outcomes of the Let's "Free" Women to Have Promiscuous Sex, Anytime, Any Place, Without Any Commitment" movements of the 1970s.

I gotta agree - I think we women were HAD.  In every sense of the word.

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The Thinking of a Pro-Life Atheist

I found this gem on The Dawn Patrol:

Precisely because sex does not always create children, yet it always holds the promise of creating children, that sex stands for something greater than itself. Because sex is designed to produce children, yet does not always produce them, the act is transformed from a simple biological action into… there was no other word for it… poetry.

Because sex contains not a hard reality, but only a future promise, it becomes a promise, the promise of the man to the woman "I will be with you always, even if this does produce that for which it is designed."

And by this act, the man gives himself not just to the woman, he gives himself primarily to the not-yet-conceived child.

That is why sex is MORE than just biology.